Communication | Individual Therapy
In therapy you can safely look at what is behind your communication problem. Your thoughts and feelings may include deeply held beliefs of being unworthy, and fears of asking for what you want and need because you do not expect to get it. This gets in the way of communicating what is truly on your mind and in your heart. It also compromises the ability to listen to what others are saying.
Some clients truly believe they are communicating effectively, and are confused by problems that arise in their interaction with others. Difficulties in communication often go unrecognized because our communication patterns are well entrenched by adulthood. These patterns were established during early developmental periods to protect us from a world we could not yet understand or have much effect upon.
For example, if at an early age we witnessed a parent who was seemingly successful at winning arguments by being forceful and loud, we may have adopted the belief that in order to be heard you need to be aggressive, or you will get hurt. This belief becomes part of our personality, and will be summoned whenever we feel unsafe and our defensive responses are triggered.
An ability to listen is also greatly compromised when we are busy protecting ourselves from feeling misunderstood or not heard. Communication therefore comes to a standstill or standoff, and we may feel stumped by how much turmoil seems to surround us, and we may be exhausted by how life feels like a constant struggle.
Poor communication can also result from unresolved issues that recycle and resurface in new forms. The disagreement over some small thing that erupts into a full out argument is often fueled by anger over past issues that were unresolved. Some of those past issues may in fact have nothing to do with the person we are arguing with, but at the time, it feels like they do.
When we leave long standing issues lay unattended it can lead to the buildup of deep resentments, and that is a recipe for problems relating to others who might unknowingly or unintentionally trigger those resentments. This other person has triggered a reaction within us, and that reaction can be pointing us to areas that need to be resolved within ourselves. It is actually a great alarm system that offers us an opportunity to learn how we can resolve our pain, and listen and respond beyond the defense.
We help you dismantle your defenses so you no longer have to hide who you are. From here you can rediscover what an authentic expression of yourself is because you have a clearer and more confident sense of yourself, and who you aspire to be.
Questions for Thought
Below are a few questions that are intended to help you consider your personal situation more closely. If you are ready to improve and live your life to the fullest, we encourage you to contact us to discuss how we can best help.
- Do you hold off on confronting problems because you are concerned that you will be rejected?
- When having a discussion do you sometimes resort to name calling?
- Are there any topics that are taboo or off-limits?
- When arguing, do you use black and white statements such as “you always” or “you never”?
- Do you believe that omitting important facts is not a lie?
- If something is bothering you, how long will it take you to bring it up?
- Do you use sarcasm in your communication?
- Are you able to talk about something important while you are doing other things?
- If someone is being critical of you, do you get defensive?
- Do you not bring things up because you feel that the other person should know without having to tell them?
- Do you often interrupt during discussions?