Separation | Individual Therapy

Separation | Individual Therapy

Separation is a valuable, alternative next step when a relationship is at a point where you are considering divorce, are unsure how to proceed, or you disagree with your partner on how to move forward.  Instead of jumping to conclusions and huge life changes, that you may later regret, a separation gives you time to contemplate what is best for your future.

The reality-check a separation provides is eye-opening to what a divorce will entail: division of finances, housing arrangements and if there are children, fully grasping the effect on their lives, and your new family life where you only see the kids part-time.

Think of separation as a dress rehearsal before deciding on divorce.  A separation provides new perspective and a chance to make better decisions for all involved.  This is why half of the people who have chosen to separate end up staying married, and the other half have a better chance for a more civilized divorce.

Part of the separation discussion is to set specific parameters and agree on terms such as length of separation, who will move out and where, how finances will be handled, what to tell family and friends, and if there are children, how to do this in a manner that puts their interest first.  We help you define what will work for you and your family.

If there has been infidelity this needs to be dealt with as part of the planning for the separation.  In the separation period there needs to be clear agreements in terms of possible dating and intimate involvement with other people.

Each situation is unique and the roadmap moving forward will be suited to your individual needs to ensure that you feel safe, and that the separation protects you and every person involved.  Regardless of what led to this point we believe that you need non-judgmental support to find the best resources within.  We have helped people move from deep resentments to the joy of finding each other again, or the courage to move on following a civilized split.

Divorce is sometimes the best choice.  However, the emotional and financial cost of jumping to this conclusion without further examination can be high, unnecessary, and may ultimately not be the one you really want.  A separation that is well structured and agreed to by both parties can provide a new beginning you could not otherwise have imagined.

Questions for Thought

Below are a few questions that are intended to help you consider your personal situation more closely.  If your responses cause concern and you want to make changes, we encourage you to contact us to discuss how we can best help.

  • Who is going to move out of the house?
  • How will you split up the household items?
  • Does the person moving out have access to the house?
  • How will payment for new housing be handled?
  • How do you talk to the children, family and friends?
  • Are you both willing to commit to couples therapy?
  • Where are the children staying and what are the visitation arrangements?
  • How will you be communicating with each other and how often?
  • What is your time frame?
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