Affairs | Infidelity | Couples Therapy

Affairs | Infidelity | Couples Therapy

As everyone involved is experiencing intense feelings, the aftermath of an affair can feel overwhelming.  Everyone seems to have strong opinions, including friends and family.  You may be feeling pressured to make decisions when you are not ready, because you are still in a state of shock and confusion, and much is at stake.

Our first task is to slow the process down so you make decisions that are truly the best for you, and don’t add further consequences to an already difficult situation.  This is especially important if there are children involved.  We will support you with a roadmap so you have some idea of what is to come as you traverse the difficult road ahead.

Studies reveal that 45 or 55 percent of married women and 50 to 60 percent of married men engage in extramarital sex at some time or another during their relationship, but there are also many other ways, beyond a sexual affair, that can lead to feelings of betrayal.  These can include an emotional affair, refusal of intimacy or sex, lack of respect, withdrawal, indifference, and lack of communication, to mention a few.

Given the statistics, many relationships may have to live through infidelity in some form. An affair does not have to mean an automatic end to the relationship, although we realize that for some that may be the outcome.  Either way we will support you in moving forward, re-visioning the future of your relationship.

Can your relationship survive an affair?  Yes, but it is going to take some real work and commitment on both of your parts.  If you are each willing to look at the how you arrived at this place, and commit to working through the issues that exist between you, there is a great opportunity to not only get through this hard time, but also grow from the experience.  An affair is too often portrayed in black and white terms where there is a villain and a victim.  We, however, believe that infidelity is as a symptom of relationship issues that have been left unattended for too long.  Are you willing to try and understand this in your own situation?

What if the relationship has run its course and infidelity was the last straw?  Is it possible to divorce with integrity?  Yes.  As therapists, mediators and financial consultants working with family attorneys we have developed a unique approach to divorce.  We will support you so you make decisions that heal emotionally, and work financially and practically.

Our goal is to decrease conflict and work towards cooperation and closure so a new beginning is possible.  This is particularly important if there are children who are affected by this process.  Research has shown that one of the key indicators of the mental health of a child in a divorce/dissolution situation is the quality of the relationship between the parents.

What may feel like an insurmountable challenge can, with the right support, also be a time of deep healing, transformation, renewal, and a chance for a new beginning.

Questions for Thought

Below are a few questions that are intended to help you consider your personal situation more closely.  If you are ready to improve and live your life to the fullest, we encourage you to contact us to discuss how we can best help.

  • Can you ever forgive this?
  • Is this a onetime event or an ongoing pattern?
  • Does your partner take ownership for the affair or are they making excuses?
  • Are you blaming each other for the affair?
  • Do you feel that your partner understands how you are feeling about the affair?
  • Is your partner genuinely sorry for the affair, or just sorry that you found out?
  • Has the affair ended?