Sex Therapy | Couples Therapy

Sex Therapy | Couples Therapy

Many grew up having learned that sex is a topic that should not be discussed.  From first experiences with masturbation you may have been told that this is “private” and that you “don’t talk about it” or “don’t do it”.  You may also have been told that sex is to be saved for marriage, and the purpose of sex is to have children.  Sexuality as a positive force in your life, the pleasure your body can experience, and having responsible intimacy with others were probably not topics of conversation growing up.

It is little wonder that the topic of sex and sexuality is often laced with guilt, shame and embarrassment.  As a result, many couples do not know how to have an open and safe conversation.  It is time to change this.

Studies conclude that a healthy sex life improves the emotional and physical health of both partners.  Sexual frequency even affects how long you live, according to the British Medical Journal.  Some other proven health benefits are better self-esteem, stress reduction, better sleep, pain reduction, better heart health, improved immunity, to mention a few.

You may have physical limitations or differences that make sex difficult or painful even if you have desire.  We talk openly about what these are, and help you think compassionately and creatively about your experience so sex can be satisfying for both of you.

For most people, however, the challenges have more to do with the conflicting thoughts, beliefs and feelings they have surrounding sex.  We welcome any ideas, questions or problems you may have.  The following are a sample of topics people come to us for help with:

  • A lack of sexual desire
  • A desire for more frequent sex
  • Needs vary between partners and this is experienced as a problem
  • Difficulty turning off unwanted thoughts during sex
  • Compulsive sexual thoughts and/or behavior
  • Problems with erection or lack of lubrication
  • Difficulty achieving orgasm
  • Anxieties about sexual performance
  • Current or past sexual abuse or assault
  • Discomfort with use of pornography
  • Fear of trying something new
  • Concerned about sexual fantasies
  • Unsure how to satisfy sexual fantasies

We understand that it may feel easier to keep any issues you may experience or desires and longings to yourself, and hope that things will change on their own.  Unfortunately most people have little success with this and often see an escalation of their concerns.

Most couples feel that it is difficult to start a conversation about sex, but our approach brings understanding, relief and a whole new perspective on what is possible.  You will experience reduced anxiety and shame, and increased pleasure and connection in your relationship.

Many people have bought into the messages of popular culture that great sex equates to perfect bodies, trying new positions, and mixing up routines and toys.  The reality is that great sex has more to do with your ability to connect, communicate, be honest, and be present in the body you have.  These abilities are core to a deep sexual and erotic experience.

Whether your goal is to address intimacy concerns, resolve traumas, understand the effect of childhood experiences, free yourself from societal discrimination, or a desire to rejuvenate, enhance and expand your experience of yourself and your partner as a sexual beings, we encourage you to start expressing and discussing your needs and desires.

As part of the counseling we often meet each individual separately to provide a feeling of comfort and ensure the effectiveness of your work together as a couple.

We encourage you to talk with a therapist who will meet you and your partner in the conversation with experience, and an open heart and mind.  It is important that you find a therapist who can work with you without bias.  Bias in your therapist can lead to psychological damage to self-esteem and other serious issues.

When clients work with us they feel a sense of relief as we encourage and inspire them to embrace, accept and express their sexuality on their terms.

Questions for Thought

Below are a few questions that are intended to help you consider your personal situation more closely.  If your responses cause concern and you want to make changes, we encourage you to contact us to discuss how we can best help.

  • Do you want to try something different sexually, but don’t know how to discuss this with your partner?
  • Do you feel concerned that your partner may not be interested in you sexually?
  • Do you stick to the same routines around sex and are you finding it boring?
  • Are you concerned that your partner’s desire and interest in sex might be different from your own?
  • How do you feel about the intersection between love and affection and getting your sexual needs met?
  • Do you want to be able to discuss sexual topics with your partner but don’t know where to start?
  • Does you or your partner use or refuses sex unfairly?
  • Are you able to adjust to change when it’s necessary?
  • Is your sexual relationship satisfying?
  • Are you or your partner having sexual performance issue and do you feel frustrated and stuck?
  • How often is pornography used and are you both ok with that?